Why we yell at our kids and how to stop

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STOP yelling at me!Why we yell at our children and how to stop

Do you often feel that every time you ask your kids to do something, it normally ends up in a yelling match? Either they tell you that they don’t want to do what you asked or they just don’t complete the task.

When it comes to household chores and things that we just don’t want to do, it’s difficult to follow through on these tasks.

When I was younger all I wanted to do on summer vacation was watch tv, sunbathe, and relax. However, that was not always the option of the day for me. There were chores to be done just like any other household.

“Everyone that lives in the house should learn to carry their own weight. There are no freebies here.”

I actually just came up with that. It should be placed on the wall and every time the kids complain, just point at it.

So, how do we stop yelling at our kids?

Before we talk about that subject I think we have to dig a little deeper and ask ourselves, ‘why do we, as parents, yell?’

In order to stop yelling at our kids for something that they did or didn’t do we, as parents, need to stop yelling. Period.

Yell Less, Love More: How the Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids – and How You Can Too!: A 30-Day Guide That Includes: – 100 Alternatives to … Steps to Follow – Honest Stories to Inspirewhy parents yell

Why we yell at our children and how to stop

Here are some reasons that we yell at our kids and solutions to stop yelling in general:

You don’t feel heard

You asked your child to take out the garbage yesterday but it still isn’t done. Today they ask you if they can get a ride to the pool so they can meet their friends.

You think and ask yourself, ‘did they hear me‘? Yep, I know they did because they were looking straight at me and rolled their eyes when I asked them to take the garbage out.

Therefore the answer to this question should be ‘NO’. If they don’t want to complete a chore that you ask them to do, then why should you want to do them any favors?

Explain to them that it’s a two way street, a give and take relationship.

You are tired

Well, there is only really one answer for this…get more sleep.

I know that being a mom/dad or step/foster or any other can be exhausting. You want to do everything and anything for your kids but in order to do that you have to take care of yourself first.

Not eating correctly

Being a parent can be crazy and hectic especially when your children are younger and in every sport imaginable.

Stopping at the first fast food drive through does save on time but you (and your children) need to eat healthy.

While you watch them at a game bring healthy snacks to eat instead of chips or unhealthy snacks.

You are overwhelmed

With everyone in life coming at you all at once it can get overwhelming.

There may be days were you need to just take a step back and let your family help you out.

You and your husband are a team, let him be a husband. If you are single, possibly have one of the older children help out or another family member.

It doesn’t have to be all the time just enough so that you can get control of your life again.

You are disorganized

Nothing sucks worse than being unprepared for you child to come at you crying because they lost their favorite doll.

Imagine if you come home from work, your children are running around screaming, and your husband is sitting on the couch and has the television blaring.

Talk about chaos.

Some people work well under pressure but others do not.

Get a planner and use it. And give everyone else some responsibilities each night as well.

The children can help set the table and your husband can help start supper and have a glass of wine waiting for you on the counter when you get home.

Oh, sorry, I started daydreaming there for a second. Back to reality.

Really all I’m saying is that everyone can help chip in, even if it’s just a little bit.

Being organized is the best way to stay on top of things so you are ready for anything that comes at you.

So now you know what YOU can start working on to stop yelling. It’s not always about what your kids did wrong, it may be what kind of mood you are in that day.

Now that we have the yelling under control and understand why we yell I will talk about how to get them to listen.

Calm the F*ck Down: The Only Parenting Technique You’ll Ever Need

Talk to your child, not at them

I feel that there is a lot involved with this. I grew up in a time were you did not question your parents or elders. You did what you were told to do.

Having children grow up in a different time than you did we sometimes forget that times have changed. And we as parents must change with those times.

I am not saying that your children have the right to disrespect you or their elders. They do not.

If we want our children to grow up and respect others we must show that respect to our children as well. If we don’t show them respect then how will they learn to respect others?

When you talk to your children, don’t yell at them and tell them that they need to complete a certain task because you are the boss. Talk to them calmly but firmly.

Listen to their ideas and pay attention to how they react. Calm them down if you need to.

If they have an idea, don’t shoot it down right away. Listen to what they have to say and consider using their idea.

If you need some time to think about the idea, let them know that. And follow up on it within a day or two, whether you agree with them or not. But also let them know why you don’t agree.

If you yell, they will yell

If you start to raise your voice or they start to raise theirs, it’s inevitable. It will become a yelling match.

Once you realize that you are raising your voice, stop. First clam yourself down and start talking in a whisper.

Eventually they will soon mimic you. Or if they don’t, stay calm. They will eventually calm down themselves.

This rule is always a hard you for me, especially with my oldest stepdaughter. She is a lot like her father, very stubborn and opinionated.

There was one time that I will never forget. She was arguing with me about something, I do not remember what it was about but she was yelling.

I realized that I had started yelling as well but calmly told myself that if I stop, then so will she. So I started talking softly and tried to calm the situation but she was not backing down with her yelling even after I would mention to her in a soft calm voice to please stop yelling at me.

I eventually lost my cool and starting yelling at the top of my lungs at her. It was not my proudest moment as a stepparent but I hit my limit.

Looking back at the situation, I feel that it would have been best to just say that we both needed to cool down and think things through and talk about it in a couple of hours or even the next day.

Sometimes it is best to take a step back from the situation and think about what your next steps are going to be.

Follow through on consequences

I feel that this one gets overlooked at times, especially in my household.

If we are punishing our children for doing something wrong, in that heat of the moment you come up with some kind of consequence for their actions and then it’s forgotten.

The reason I say this happens in my house is because we forget that we told them that consequence.

Now I’m pretty good at remembering things that I said but as we get older or are in the heat of the moment a couple of hours later, it becomes a blur.

If you tell them a consequence for doing something wrong, make sure to follow through on it. Write it down if you have to.

If you don’t follow through, they will remember that. Then when the next time comes and you give them a different consequence and actually follow through with it, they start to get confused.

They start to think that this situation is more severe than the other one because they actually got punished this time.

If you don’t plan to follow through on the consequence, then don’t give them one. If you think talking it through with them made your point and they won’t do it again, then that’s great.

Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Also let the natural consequences speak for themselves. 

If they lost a toy or broke it, don’t replace it. They need to know that they have to take care their stuff.

Explain ‘why’ to them

Explain why they shouldn’t stand on the chair. Especially for younger children, explain why they shouldn’t do something.

Don’t just say no or don’t do that.

Let them know what you want them to do instead.

For older children, explain why you made the decision that you did.

My oldest stepdaughter told me that she thinks it’s stupid that we have them bring all electronics to the main level before they go to bed.

This rule has been in effect for awhile but she had to deal with the consequences of not following that rule twice in one week.

The consequence is that they can not have the electronics in their rooms the whole next day but they can still use them in the main common areas and even take them if they leave the house.

I had to reminder her on why the rule came into effect which was simply because we felt they were not getting enough sleep.

Even if they went to bed early, doesn’t mean that their friends are constantly snap chatting them and their phone is constantly going off.

Children need a fair amount of sleep each night. A couple side effects of lack of sleep are depression and stress.

Praise positive behavior

Let them know when they do something good.

It makes us as adults feel good when our bosses say we did a great job on a project so praise your kids.

They like to hear positive feedback too.

Also let them know when you messed up. If you start yelling, apologize. It is difficult to admit you were wrong and even more difficult to admit it to your kids.Why we yell at our children and how to stop

Stand up to your mistakes. Your children will see this and know that it is okay to mess up once in awhile, everyone does. It also shows them to own up when they do.

No one wants to yell their kids so stay strong and remember that the number one things is to take care of yourself.

First understand why you yell.

Second is to understand your children and listen to them.

7 thoughts on “Why we yell at our kids and how to stop”

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